Don't call it a comeback! (Because maybe I won't actually come back).

After scrolling through and deleting over 900 spam comments, the majority of which were written in some sort of Chinaman symbol script (yes, yes--"Asian-American" is the preferred nomenclature, Dude), I have taken the first step towards getting this thing back in action.

Against all odds I am still employed, and there have been many other things going on, but I'm going to make an effort to get this thing cranking again (just like I have promised a few times before over the past ~5 years)...

Cheerio!

Living the 3L dream

ATTENTION 1Ls--right now you may be freaking the fuck out about exams. That's natural. I'm not here to offer advice right now (although there are several other posts here that deal with that, such as this one) but I promise it gets much, much better.

Be glad you aren't graduating yet. The legal job market is in shambles right now and by the time you graduate things should be on an upswing (hell--they couldn't possibly get worse). I am living proof that the pressure of law school is virtually nonexistent after year two (and really, after your third semester). Look at my current situation: the MPRE is over (although there's a damn good chance I'll have to retake it in March). My Trial Practice class is over (we won our trial. Bitch.). My Pretrial Practice class is also over. I only have two exams--one on Dec. 9 and one on Dec. 16. So hang in there kids, it all gets better...

Of course, then you have entirely new concerns, like getting a job and passing the bar exam. But you have plenty of other things to worry about between now and then.

In the meantime, here's a pearl to keep you from completely losing any sense of humor you had before law school. (Pssssst: you'll need to find that sense of humor again for job interviews and summer positions!):

http://www.geekologie.com/2008/11/good_idea_m an_submits_drawing.php


Oh yeah... did I mention I'll be in Costa Rica for Thanksgiving break? YEEKBONE!!!

An Enthralling Update!

"My friends,"

I'm currently dividing my time between class (2-3 per day, none on Fridays), catching up on the entire first 3 seasons of "Heroes," battling my dog for the best spot on the couch, staring at the ceiling in my apartment, drinking beer and gin & tonics, and playing Tiger Woods and Mario Kart on Wii.

Also, a little gem to share. In my trial practice class last week, a guy who had his criminal defendant client on direct, and was supposed to be advancing a theory of self-defense, proceeded to ask her "so tell me, then Ms. Williams: what did you then do with the murder weapon?"

On a more important note, John McCain and Miss Dumbass are frantically panicking on a sinking ship, and it's beautiful to see this country choosing a leadership duo in Obama / Biden that recognizes it does in fact matter that there are other countries in the world--quite a few of them, in fact--and that it's probably not a bad idea to try to get along with them.

A Typical day in life during law school finals

FIRST SEMESTER

- wake up to alarm clock promptly at 7:00am, eat breakfast, drink coffee, pore over outlines and class notes all morning. Go to gym in afternoon to relieve some stress, come home, resume studying. Meet with classmates to go over outlines and and anxiously predict what problems we may have on the exam. In bed by midnight the night before the test, but too nervous to get good sleep.

SECOND SEMESTER

- wake up to alarm clock at 9am, eat breakfast, study, maybe go to gym later. No meeting with classmates, because that proved useless last semester, but frequent calls to one another to discuss or clarify certain points.

THIRD SEMESTER

- wake up around 10, play around on the internet, make sure there's nothing good on TV. Study on and off all day; sleep fine.

FOURTH SEMESTER

- wake up at some point, play around on internet, watch Sportscenter, maybe a Netflix movie. Play Tiger Woods Golf. Have outlines open on computer all day for conscience placation purposes, but minimal attention given. Check email and Facebook once every 5-10 minutes to see if anyone has a new status update. Bid on things on eBay, mainly just to have more things to check online. Calculate various grade combinations needed to maintain class ranking. Eat dinner, drink beer, watch baseball and basketball (it's okay, because the outlines are still up on my computer). Stuff face with Laffy Taffy. Regularly move cursor to awaken computer from sleep mode.

Apathy abounds

My first exam is in less than two weeks. I have two 20 page papers due next week. Try as I might, I just don't care. I've tried hard to care. I can't.

This time last year I was cranking out outlines, poring over Nutshells, making stacks of flashcards. That is not happening now. It certainly doesn't help that I already have a job.

Tell me other people did this as 2Ls... this is normal, right?

Damn you to hell, Moola.com

I just got savvy to this site yesterday, and the games are downright infuriating. I'm not so good with the numbers games (I am in law school, after all), so when I lose a very uncomplex mental battle like "Gold Rush" to somebody named "SouthAL_hswife" or "Jenny1994," it's for good reason, although nonetheless aggravating.

These "cheats" for Hi/Lo and Gold Rush are only marginally helpful. However, even when you win a few rounds, the luster of playing a simple and repetitive online game for 45 minutes, only to end up with a whopping 11 cents, wears off rather quickly, especially when you have to wait through a fucking 20-second ad before every single round.

The result of all this? I'm sticking with CentSports, which is 195% phenomenal.

Some limited wisdom for the 1L or law school hopeful

Almost halfway done--woot! Since I'm approaching the midway point, I'll share a few gems I've picked up over the past 16 months.

1. Some professors--not many, but some--are extremely lazy. If you have a hunch about one, it's probably right, and the grades will be given out with no particular rhyme or reason.

2. Cold-sending resumes is a monumental waste of time.

3. Don't ever try to predict your exam grades. You'll get your worst grade on the one you "aced" and your best grade on the one you were sure you failed.

4. Outlining as you go along is far more efficient much less stressful than doing it all at the end, even if you think the latter would be "a great way to review."

5. Anyone who struts out of a four hour exam after two hours has really missed the boat on something. Feel free to snicker when they do.

5 1/2. NEVER leave an exam early. That's superbly retarded. Even if all you can do is go back and reword your answers, why not do it and pick up a few style points? That could be the difference between a B+ and an A-, etc. Plus, it makes you look like a damn fool and you will be ridiculed once you're gone.

6. Exercise whenever possible. Don't be one of the multitudes of people who completely let themselves go in law school. Studying, while necessary, is not a replacement for exercise. Plus it makes your brain and your body feel better and lets you sleep more soundly (not to mention getting all the alcohol out of your pores). If you turn into a lard ass during law school, you think you're gonna have a bunch of time to undo the damage when you start practicing? Hmmmmmmmmm??

7. Study groups can be useful but generally are way overrated. You can find out early what works for you, and it's an important thing to do.

8. Ignore professors who tell you not to do "post mortems" once an exam is over. Talk about it as much as you can--why the hell not (but not with someone who doesn't share your enthusiasm)

9. Guys: don't tell anybody, except your best law school friend, anything you don't want everybody at school to know.

Ladies: don't tell anybody anything you don't want everybody at school to know.

10. Try to be as gossip-free and civil with as many people as you can. You never know when you're going to need a favor from an old classmate sometime down the road, even if it's the geeky doofus who raised his hand every day of your first year.

11. 8 hrs of sleep on a school night is too much. 5 is too little. 6 1/2 is perfect.

12. A lot of people who really, really suck as people will get really high-paying jobs, and as a result they will suck even more. Don't waste your time caring too much about this because it's happened since the beginning of time and there's nothing you can do about it.

13. Your non-law school friends don't care at all about your law school jargon or gripes, and why the hell should they? The more you try to sound lawyerly, the less interest they will have in being around you. Most of them probably have no idea how long law school is, how long you've been there, or how long you have left. To them you're just "in school," just like how to you, they're "doing marketing or something."

14. The amount someone talks in class is 150% unrelated to how good their grades will be. I cannot stress this enough.

14 1/2. If your syllabus says class participation is a factor in the final grade, your professor is lying like a motherfucker.


Please feel free to add any wisdoms I left out.

Moron of the Week: A Self-Portrait

That's right folks, I was nominated (by myself) for the second installment of this prestigious award, and the LS4D Subcommittee (e.g., me) on Moronic Affairs unanimously approved the nomination!

Okay, so maybe that's not really me... but it'd be a lot cooler if it was. Anywho, the Subcommittee (again--me) officially selected me this week, citing the following reasons:

1. Thus far I cannot, for the life of me, get myself to take school seriously this semester, despite the fact that my lifelong career options kind of depend on doing so.

2. I have on several occasions stayed in the library for well over an hour after my classes were done for the day, but didn't once do any work or reading there (unless you consider Google-imaging Halloween costume ideas to be work, in which case we should be friends).

3. Taking naps on the couch from roughly 4pm to 7pm (also in lieu of studying), thus ruining any chance of getting to bed at a reasonable hour when I have to be up by 7:30 the next morning.

4. Actually finding myself saying, during a conversation with a friend, "I really don't think Joey Harrington [Michael Vick's replacement] is going to be that bad. I mean, really, if you look at the schedule, we could even make the playoffs this year..."

5. I have now spent another 20 minutes bumbling aimlessly on this blog, while I have three reading assignments for tomorrow that I haven't even started yet.

I would like to thank all of the morons in my life for helping me to see what it takes achieve this award. But most of all I thank myself--I couldn't have done it without me. We finally did it, baby!