Moron of the Week: Classic eBay Degenerate

You know the grown man who rides your ass when you're going 12 mph over, and then you see him in the rearview mirror flailing his arms, pounding the steering wheel, and screaming? Well I just had a fun exchange with him on eBay. Here's the actual copy of the emails--I shit you not, I did nothing to provoke this maniac--with a few of my own bracketed comments added in.

Enjoy!

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Hello, I'll meet you and give you $120 cash for the tickets. Let me know if you can't get rid of them. Thanks!

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NOT INTERESTED IN MEETING YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. WE DON'T DO OFF-EBAY DEALS, AND WE DON'T ASK FOR BEST OFFERS. APPARENTLY YOU'RE A HALF.COM OR CRAIGSLIST CUSTOMER WITH LITTLE OR NO RESPECT FOR EBAY RULES--NOT TO MENTION, YOUR OFFER OF LESS THAN HALF OF ASKING PRICE, AND NOT EVEN FACE IS A RIDICULOUS JOKE! WE'VE FORWARDED YOUR EMAIL TO EBAY TRUST AND SAFETY DEPARTMENT IN HOPES OF YOU LEARNING A LITTLE OF HOW THE FAR LESS ARROGANT LIVE **[where did "arrogant" even come from??]. YOU'RE IN IT FOR YOU, SO DON'T LIE ABOUT HELPING ANYONE OUT OF THEIR TICKETS [I didn't], YOU SURELY COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF. THE PRICE IS THE SAME FOR EVERYONE, AND IF WE CHOOSE TO GIVE THEM AWAY, IT WILL BE TO CHARITY LIKE WE ALWAYS DO----HEARD OF THAT? (OF COURSE NOT!) QUIT WASTING MY TIME!

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Wow... Overreact much? Take a breath and grow up. An ethics lesson from a ticket scalper--now I've seen it all! I would suggest some serious psychological counseling.

Don't bother responding, I didn't read the first blabbering novel you sent. Also, your caps button seems to be stuck--but it sure makes you seem tough and scary. I'd wager dollars to doughnuts that you have a "W--still the president" sticker right above the vanity plate on your '94 Camaro.

Good luck selling your tickets for twice face value... The show isn't even sold out.

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I USE ALL CAPS BECAUSE I'M LEGALLY BLIND [oh, please] AND I CAN ALMOST READ IT---NOW IS THERE SOME REASON WHY EVERYTHING IN YOUR WORLD IS ALL ABOUT YOU? [where does he get this stuff?] WHAT A SELF-DELUDED ARROGANT FUCK YOU ARE! $280 ISN'T WORTH THE BOTHER, AND BOTTOMLINE, IT TRULY WAS MORE THAN YOU COULD AFFORD ANYWAY [wait--which one of us is arrogant again?], AND I ENJOY GIVING TO THE POOR. I DIDN'T OVERREACT [really?], I ONLY RESPONDED TO SOME BEGGING ASS BITCH WITH A TRAILER TRASH OFFER. IT'S THE SHIT LIKE YOU THAT MAKES EBAY A PAIN IN THE ASS FOR THE REST OF US, AND I'LL RESPOND ALL THE FUCK I WANT, GOT ME BITCH? [Complete psychological breakdown in 3... 2... 1...] THE LAST THING IN LIFE YOU WILL EVER BE IS MY SUPERIOR, UNLESS OF COURSE IT'S ANY MORE OF YOUR PSYCHOBABBLE! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU ARE? IF I NEED ANY MORE OF YOUR OPINIONS, I'LL WIPE THEM OUT OF THE CRACK OF MY ASS! WHAT A FUCKING JOKE YOU ARE!...........AND BY THE WAY, IT WAS CONDESCENDING BASTARDS LIKE YOU WHO VOTED W IN TWICE TO BEGIN WITH! NOW IT'S MY TURN TO DISMISS YOU, I'LL BE DELETING WHATEVER SHIT YOU SEND FROM NOW ON, AND ALL YOU EBAY CRAP HAS BEEN BLOCKED AND BARRED FROM THIS AFTERNOON [really?...]. JUST PISS OFF AND GO AWAY!

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This is fantastic! Keep it up, my entire office is in hysterics reading these forwards.

And speaking of forwarding emails, I think I'll let eBay have a gander at this one. Ticket scalping AND junior high-level profane insults? Saying you aren't too bright would be the understatement of the century.

You are a very sad little man and thinking about your life makes me depressed. Unfortunately for our relationship, I have a real job so I'm through responding. I do however encourage you to keep it up on your end as you check every thirty seconds to see if some fool is dumb enough to pay double face value for a show that isn't even sold out.

PS. I found a pair of tickets two rows behind yours for $30 each. Have a nice life!

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JUST DON'T GET THE LEVEL OF ARROGANCE YOU PROJECT TO OTHERS, DO YOU? BUT I BET ALL THE LAUGHING OFFICE PEERS KNOW EXACTLY WHAT AN ASS YOU ARE! YOU FEEL YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION TO EVERYTHING, YET YOU ARE THE EXCEPTION TO NOTHING ! CONFUSED, CONDESCENDING, ARROGANT, PROBABLY LEXUS DRIVING SELF-CENTERED BASTARD---I REALLY DO FEEL SORRY FOR A SPECK OF A MAN LIKE YOU...PATHETIC REALLY THAT YOU EVEN THINK I'D GIVE A DAMN ABOUT ANYTHING YOUR BEGGING ASS HAS TO SAY--I DON'T, YET IT IS YOU WHO BEGS STRANGERS TO PAY FOR YOUR GOOD TIMES--I'M SURE YOUR FAMILY'S PROUD, BUT YOU LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE SOMETHING ELSE, SAD REALLY! AND BY THE WAY, YOUR ASSUMPTIONS ARE IRONICALLY ENTERTAINING, I RETIRED 8 yEARS AGO AND I CAN EASILY BUY AND SELL YOUR ARROGANT ASS LIKE THE POCKET CHANGE YOU ARE-THE MOST COMICAL PART OF THIS WHOLE EXCHANGE----NOW YOU REALLY DO NEED TO PISS OFF AND GO AWAY, YOU HAVE CEASED BEING LOW-BROW ENTERTAINMENT LITTLE BITCH!

[Apparently I hadn't actually ceased being low-brow entertainment for him, because I stopped responding, but he kept it up anyway]:

AND ONE LAST THING, I'M LEAVING FOR A 10AM TEE-TIME AT [local golf course--I can only imagine the meltdowns this guy must have out there], SO I WON'T BE ABLE TO CLICK EVERY 30 SECONDS TODAY AS YOU SO FALSELY ASSUME, SO GET BACK TO WORK AND SAVE THE DIATRIBE. WE'LL BE LEAVING TOMORROW MORNING FOR WIMBELDON WEEK, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO BANTER ABOUT WITH MY GRANDSON [Sweet Moses, a grandson???] IN MY ABSENCE WHILE YOU'RE STILL AT WORK. YOU SEE, THIS IS JUST A HOBBY [yeah, I hear ticket scalping is really catching on with the retired crowd these days], AND TWICE FACE IS CALLED KEYSTONE IN A RETAIL OPERATION AND IS USUALLY THE DESIRED MARKUP TO ACHIEVE [and with event tickets, it's called "illegal"], AND I AM JUST SO SURE THAT YOUR PLACE OF BUSINESS OPERATES AS A NON-PROFIT ENTITY [what does this even mean?]! AGAIN, WHAT A SCHMUCK YOU ARE! TORREY PINES 2 WEEKS AGO, WIMBELDON THIS WEEK, THE BRITISH OPEN MID JULY, NEED I GO ON, OR DO YOU NEED TO GET BACK TO WORK [the only good point made in four emails]? IF I'M NOT PLAYING GOLF, I'M AT THE BOAT ON THE LAKE OR THE ONE IN KEY WEST [what is this, a Puff Daddy song?], SO WOULD YOU LIKE TO PISS OFF LIKE YOU WERE TOLD NOW [I actually stopped writing after your last email, genius]? AND PLEASE, LET EVERYONE AT THE OFFICE READ THIS, THEY'RE LAUGHING AT YOU, DUMBASS, NOT WITH YOU [I'd hazard a guess that this is not correct]!!!

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A question for everyone here

If you end up (or endED) up receiving and accepting an offer at the end of your second summer, how will / did it affect you 3L life? My schedule next semester is already fantastic (all req blocks out of the way; no class on Fridays), and my class ranking is more or less set in a good place. If I have a job lined up I can't imagine I'll be working very hard.

Thoughts?

Supreme Court rules death penalty unconstitutional for child rapists

Which prompted a huge sigh of relief from this guy:

List of people you don't want representing you if you're facing a life sentence

Number one on the list is this guy. This is actually the final video of a four-part series on Youtube. It's unbefuckinglievable how long this judge allows this to languish on (I think the first clip starts at around 10:30 or so). I'd venture to say 95% of judges would put an end to this nonsense within the first 90 seconds.

Nevada, I present to you your tax dollars at work!




Sweet holy Moses I can't even imagine how the client must feel during this floundering ordeal.

You really should only eat oxycontin in months that end with "R"

I'm all for not jumping to conclusions about people solely on the basis of their physical appearance.

That being said, I could have taken one look at this guy and told you he was a fuckin criminal.

Restaurant owner accused of selling drugs with oysters

Charlie's Original Oyster King on South Main Street in Acworth serves up hot dogs, sandwiches and oysters made all kinds of ways.

But Acworth police say long-time owner Charles Lanzo was also serving up drugs and moonshine. He had some weapons on the side.

Lanzo and his wife, Frances, were arrested Tuesday after an undercover investigation that lasted several months, said Police Chief Michael Wilkie
Frances Lanzo was charged with illegal possession of drugs. When she was arrested police found five Alprazolam pills on her. The prescription drug is sold as Xanax and is used to treat depression.

Charles Lanzo was charged with felony possession of Ecstasy and Oxycontin and felony intent to distribute marijuana and cocaine. He was also charged with felony weapons possession.

Lanzo was charged with possession of non-taxed distilled spirits, a misdemeanor, for the 10 mason jars of moonshine found at the restaurant.

"It appears that Mr. Lanzo was selling a little bit of everything in addition to his oysters," Wilkie said. "We've heard complaints about this for quite some time, and we were finally able to successfully make a case against him."

When police raided the restaurant, they found 2.5 pounds of marijuana. Acworth Detective Mark Cheatham said the marijuana is worth about $1,500.

Police also found one "small teal green pill" of Ecstasy, 7 grams of cocaine, and several Oxycontin pills, according to the arrest warrant. Police also seized $16,000.

Two rifles, a Remington Model 700 .308 and Marlin 30-30 carbine lever-action, and two Smith and Wesson semi automatic handguns, a 9 mm and 22 caliber, were found in a bedroom located inside the restaurant.
The couple were released on bond.

"I was at a meeting the other night, and a long-term resident in Acworth made the comment to me that they always wondered how he was able to stay in business so long with so few cars ever parked out there," Wilkie said. "Now, we know the secret, I suppose."

According to the restaurant's Web site, Lanzo and his wife have operated the Oyster King for 15 years.

Acworth Mayor Tommy Allegood, who has lived in the city for about 12 years, said he doesn't know the owners.
"He's not a member of the Acworth Business Association," Allegood said.

The restaurant is open for business. A man who answered the phone Thursday and said he was Lanzo declined to comment.

The Web site tripadvisor.com has one review of the restaurant posted.
The review, dated Feb 10, says "The oysters were fantastic, although scraped off the bottom of Allatoona, you have to get past that."

R. Lee Ermey teaches a High School class

Okay, so maybe this guy took it a little too far, but does he really need to be charged with terroristic threats? Hell, he already quit his job!

And given the situation, and the punks these poor teachers have to deal with these days, can you really blame him? If we had more teachers like him maybe we wouldn't have the dumbest ass kids in the state.

Explanation re: recent slacking in my macking and slippin in my pimpin

Faithful readers, I apologize for the weakness lately. Things are happening, but just as Fawkes commented below, I can't afford to get fired so no blogging at work. That said, I'll try to pick it up some.

As for the future, my schedule next semester is a joke, which will provide plenty of opportunities to spew forth my twisted and obnoxious views. Please, I beg you, bear with me!

Godspeed,

Moustache, J.