Monday, May 21, 2007

Summa summa summa tiiiiiiiiiime

Well it's been less than two weeks since I finished the last final of my first year and I've spent most of that time drinking and stuffing my face. I did start my summer "job" today though, and the judge I'm working for is cool as hell so I've got that going for me.

I'll post something neat once some crazy shit happens this summer.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Dirge for a Civil Procedure Exam

While I'm not technically done (one final, lesser exam on Friday), I needed to channel my frustrations somehow. Amazingly it kind of worked... although the fact that I wrote this while drinking a bottle of wine by myself and watching the Braves win certainly didn't hurt either.

With Con Law, savage beast since slain days ago
All that stood in the way of year two was Civ Pro.
No meager task this, yet none that should be feared
For the Prof was a soft spoken chap with a beard.
Thus three hours' time would surely be ample chance
to wow Mr. Prof with some civ pro parlance;
So for a few days he drudged through exams from the past
to shore up the process and write answers fast.
A Pennoyer here, there an International Shoe,
"What's the very most trouble Civ Pro Prof could do?"
But while the young student slept soundly in bed
By moonlight Prof crafted his creature of dread.
When sun bathed the schoolhouse the Prof smiled thin
As unshaven faces filed warily in, then
SHUT! went the door as this creation no more was contained, but now loose to wreak terror and gore!
But student held fast--"I'm but strong for the task--
I know ALL the answers to questions you'll ask!"
But what should appear now and dampen his plans,
than a format that far strayed from practice exams.
"One P plus four Ds times three issues?"--the rage--
Student hadn't yet even turned past the first page!
"That's fifteen alone, things just in one question,"
student gasped when he saw four more questions that section.
And the next fact pattern was decidedly worse.
"How many times must I write out 'they all are diverse!?'"
And thusly it went, as the hours rode past
the battle left student beaten down and downcast.
The creature was fierce but at last put to rest
as folklore for future 1Ls before tests.
And as student emerged to a sky clear and blue, he cried,
"Fuck it, I'm done--NOW BRING ON YEAR TWO!"

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Dear law students with small children,

Bringing your toddlers to school during finals and letting them loose to run shrieking through the halls is not "cute." I'm glad you have a happy family and it's swell that you're working hard in law school to provide them with a good life. But guess what? A few hundred other people are in the building right now TAKING EXAMS and they have paid a shit-ton of money to do so. This is not "fun happy family time." So here's a thought--DON'T BRING YOUR KIDS TO SCHOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF FINALS.

The fact that this is even an issue is fucking ridiculous.


Everybody with some semblance of a brain

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

But what would be the ruling on a peel?

1L: Just because child porn is virtual doesn't mean it's protected by the First Amendment.

Con Law Prof: But children must be used in its production for it to be illegal.

1L: Couldn't the Court consider some virtual child porn to have used a child in the production?

Con Law Prof: I'm not sure I see where you're going with this...

1L: Well, you know how they wire people up and have them move around when they make video games, like Tiger Woods Golf?

Con Law Prof: Oh, I see what you're getting at--kind of like, "here you go, Billy--eat this banana?"