Wednesday, April 30, 2008

no caption needed

A Typical day in life during law school finals


- wake up to alarm clock promptly at 7:00am, eat breakfast, drink coffee, pore over outlines and class notes all morning. Go to gym in afternoon to relieve some stress, come home, resume studying. Meet with classmates to go over outlines and and anxiously predict what problems we may have on the exam. In bed by midnight the night before the test, but too nervous to get good sleep.


- wake up to alarm clock at 9am, eat breakfast, study, maybe go to gym later. No meeting with classmates, because that proved useless last semester, but frequent calls to one another to discuss or clarify certain points.


- wake up around 10, play around on the internet, make sure there's nothing good on TV. Study on and off all day; sleep fine.


- wake up at some point, play around on internet, watch Sportscenter, maybe a Netflix movie. Play Tiger Woods Golf. Have outlines open on computer all day for conscience placation purposes, but minimal attention given. Check email and Facebook once every 5-10 minutes to see if anyone has a new status update. Bid on things on eBay, mainly just to have more things to check online. Calculate various grade combinations needed to maintain class ranking. Eat dinner, drink beer, watch baseball and basketball (it's okay, because the outlines are still up on my computer). Stuff face with Laffy Taffy. Regularly move cursor to awaken computer from sleep mode.

Monday, April 21, 2008

I sure hope this person found what they were looking for

Seeing the search terms people enter en route to stumbling across your blog is one of the main reasons for maintaining one. That being said, I'm not sure my blog would have helped this person out much:

Saturday, April 19, 2008

This is why I don't bet on sporting events with real money

God bless Centsports for allowing me to entertain my gambling impulses for free, while also reminding me of what an absolutely atrocious prognosticator I am of all things sports.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

To facebook or not to facebook?

One of the first things they told us in 1L orientation was to delete our online social network profiles. They must have known that then we wouldn't (after all, then what the hell would we do in class), because the next thing they said was to at least put them on restricted viewing... or at the very minimum, clean up all content to a level you wouldn't mind a potential employer seeing.

So this cautionary direction came to mind when I sat at my computer earlier tonight deciding whether or not I should send friend requests to the associates at the summer firm I'm working for. The very first alert that shot up in my mind was ABSOLUTELY NOT--ARE YOU FUCKING DEMENTED. But the more I thought about it, the more I was tempted. What would I gain from doing this? Just about nothing. And despite the obvious fact that I don't want people gathering around a computer tomorrow laughing at pictures of me lying on the floor with a watermelon on my head, I still kind of think it seems like a good idea.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Apathy abounds

My first exam is in less than two weeks. I have two 20 page papers due next week. Try as I might, I just don't care. I've tried hard to care. I can't.

This time last year I was cranking out outlines, poring over Nutshells, making stacks of flashcards. That is not happening now. It certainly doesn't help that I already have a job.

Tell me other people did this as 2Ls... this is normal, right?

Friday, April 11, 2008

Reasons why people should incur a lifetime Facebook ban

Missy McClanahan
can't believe she has to wait all the way until September to become Mrs. David Taylor!! I WUV U WIDDLE BIDDLE POOKIE BUNNY!!!!!!!! <3 <3 <3

Josh Jones is da rubbaband man wild like the Taliban, 9 in my right, 45 in da other hand!

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

The Turbo Moustache

By Jove, my mastery of most things alcohol has led to another divine creation! The following recipe makes about two large drinks. Behold my glory in liquefied form--the Turbo Moustache:

1) Brew four cups of coffee, double strength (since it will be diluted w/ ice and other garnishments). It helps, of course, if the coffee doesn't suck.*
*I use Grounds for Change. I was given a subscription last year as a gift, and it's downright delicious.

2) Turn the maker off as soon as the brew cycle is over. While the joe is still warm, add:

- 1 tsp sugar (or Splenda); or more/less to taste (keep in mind the Kahlua will be sweet too)
- 1 1/2 Tbsp hot chocolate mix
- 1/3 tsp cinnamon
- 1/2 tsp vanilla extract

3) Close the lid and swirl together until dissolved, and toss the pot in the fridge. Once it's cooled down (the colder the better), bring it back out (swirl again before making the drink).

4) Fill a tall glass with ice, 1/3 Kahlua, almost the rest of the way with the coffee, and top with cream and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Feeling crazy? Yeah you are, you crazy fuck. In that case, add a nip of scotch when you add the Kahlua... Just don't blame me when this nice weeknight study pick-me-up turns into a shameful boozefest.

Of course you can also make this during the day w/o the alcohol as a refreshing summer alternative to a hot ass cup of coffee. Stepping out into the stiflingly humid 80-degree morning with a scalding hot beverage just isn't as enjoyable as it sounds.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Damn you to hell,

I just got savvy to this site yesterday, and the games are downright infuriating. I'm not so good with the numbers games (I am in law school, after all), so when I lose a very uncomplex mental battle like "Gold Rush" to somebody named "SouthAL_hswife" or "Jenny1994," it's for good reason, although nonetheless aggravating.

These "cheats" for Hi/Lo and Gold Rush are only marginally helpful. However, even when you win a few rounds, the luster of playing a simple and repetitive online game for 45 minutes, only to end up with a whopping 11 cents, wears off rather quickly, especially when you have to wait through a fucking 20-second ad before every single round.

The result of all this? I'm sticking with CentSports, which is 195% phenomenal.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

the World Wide Want

The amount of time and money I spend on ordering things from online merchants is becoming problematic.


1) You can get anything you can imagine at the best existing price;

2) It's a great cure for boredom and a conduit for procrastination;

3) Knowing something is coming in the mail gives you something to look forward to.


1) ending up with a bunch of shit you don't really want, need, or have the space for;
(example: $50 on sheets from

2) 70% of the time, the thing I buy fails to meet my hyped-up expectations;
(example: $25 on PS2 game from

3) shipping charges are an absolute scam;

4) I'm almost broke.

Here's an unbelievably poignant example of a piece of absolute garbage on which I threw away my money:

5-Day Weather Forecaster from Brookstone

With the unbelievable after-Christmas price of $35, who could resist! Anyone who had ever seen one in person, that's who. This thing fucking sucks. I say this in all complete sincerity--I could open the window and tell you the temperature outside and my guess would be 10-15 degrees more accurate. Again, I'm really not kidding. On most days, the temperature never even comes within the "hi / lo" range displayed on the screen.

It tells you it's thunderstorming outside when there's not a cloud to be found, and vice-versa.

Lesson: I could have spent 8 bucks on a window thermometer at Target and gotten what I was looking for.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Why do these people exist?

You know those degenerate pieces of brainless societal sludge who ride right up on your ass on the interstate, even when you're not in the left lane and you're going 10 mph faster than the speed limit? And then they weave in and out of traffic (with no turn signal of course), forcing everybody else on the road to swerve or slam on the brakes?

Well, one of them just murdered four people, including a woman and her 13-month old baby, and sent more to the hospital with life-threatening injuries... then he sped off to safety, completely unscathed, and had to be tracked down by police two days later. Yes, I used the word "murdered," because this kind of asinine driving shows a complete disregard of the serious risk it poses to everyone else.

There's a good chance at least one more person (a father) will die in the hospital: "one family devastated by the crash was wrestling with a heart-wrenching decision on Wednesday: whether to start planning a joint funeral now or to hold off in case another family member dies."

His lawyer's contention?

"My client was driving, and he was hit in the side of his vehicle. He spun
out of control and basically was unaware that such a collision had occurred, and what happened after it."

Translation: my client, an innocent victim and model driver, was
(unbeknownst to him, apparently) hit by some awful person, and then spun out of control in the middle of the freeway without any knowledge of having hit anyone else. He then rode safely and merrily off, blissfully unaware that anything had happened.

Wow. If that's the best line Lionel Hutz has in his bag of criminal defense tricks, this one looks pretty bleak for this worthless piece of crap. They're gonna LOVE his young, fresh 20-year old face
in the state penn!!

Reckless driver kills four, hospitalizes more