Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Young co-ed or toothless heroin junkie? A tough choice

While there are several problems with the fact that this story below even happened, I'll start with this: hey, dingus--in case you didn't get this memo in your orientation packet, YOU'RE A DIVISION-I QUARTERBACK AT THE BIGGEST SCHOOL IN THE COUNTRY. I think you just might be able to find a few campus floozies to give up the goods on any given night... Just a thought.

OSU's Henton charged with soliciting prostitute

Columbus, Ohio — Ohio State backup quarterback Antonio Henton pleaded not guilty to a misdemeanor charge of soliciting for prostitution in Franklin County Municipal Court Tuesday.

Henton, 20, was arrested at 8:27 p.m. Monday on High Street near the school's campus after offering an undercover Columbus police officer $20 for intercourse, according to a police complaint.

He was carrying just $19 at the time of his arrest.

That last line is great.

But this episode is just the latest layer off the onion in what has become a perplexing epidemic in our society. For the life of me I will never ever understand athletes and other famous people. Many of you famous people have accomplished virtually nothing in life (See e.g. Lindsay Lohan, reality tv stars, Kevin Federline) yet you dolts are followed and fawned over. You have zillions of dollars. You could be ass-ugly and it wouldn't matter (if you don't believe me, just take a look at these guys):

nevertheless there would be a considerable amount of people with no self-respect who would jump ass-first in front of a scud missle just for the chance to get you in the sack.

And instead, what do some of you fools prefer to do? You go to the nastiest of neighborhoods and troll for $20 hookers. At least do what the Republican politicians do (when they aren't lecherously stalking young male aides or soliciting manlove in an airport crapper) and go through the high society madams and get the "classy" broads.

And for crying the muck out loud--STOP DRIVING!!! Leave the drunken driving arrests to teenagers and the law students who can't afford cabs. Why are you even driving in the first place when you have enough money to construct your own personal public transportation system? You should be doing the only thing you know how to do: sitting in a tinted-out stretch something drinking Grey Goose and snorting gator tails of blow with your entourage of coattail-riding peons. I know I would!*

*Dear potential employer: I really wouldn't.


Pete said...

Sam Cassell is actually considered quite beautiful on his home planet.

The Grapist said...

Could you please not badmouth Dreamboat Doherty? He actually used to be hot, especially when he basically made out with Carl Barat on stage, and now that I think about it, I'd still probably hit it. Yep.