Monday, April 30, 2007

A moment of epiphany--I now know why I came to law school*

*this post contains obscenity-laden (e.g. fun) text

My true purpose in life is to find creative and entertaining ways to sue the everloving shit out of the degenerates behind solicitations such as the one that follows. Awaiting a response from a professor to an emailed question regarding the Presidential Removal Power, I checked my inbox and discovered this instead:


From : Elizabeth Davis
Sent : Monday, April 30, 2007 8:07 AM
To : Justice Moustache
Subject : Get20%OffOnHigh-QualityLicensedPharmaceutics.

Dear Justice Moustache,

Did you know you can get name brand pharmaceuticals shipped straight to your door? We even have Ambien, oral Cialis tabs and more! Check out today!


Never one to shy away from cordial electronic mail exchange, I offered a response.

From : Justice Moustache
Sent : Monday, April 30, 2007 11:42 AM
To : Elizabeth Davis
Subject : Re: Get20%OffOnHigh-QualityLicensedPharmaceutics.

Dearest Elizabeth,

Thanks so much for your email! I don't have anything better to do during law school finals than to read computer-generated emails from worthless cunts like yourself. Why don't you peruse the warehouse and buy six vials of morphine on me and inject them into your eyeballs and heart immediately.

Once that's done, go fuck your slut mother in the poop chute with a spiked bat.



Saturday, April 21, 2007

"A life?" What the piss is that?

Well I seem to have fallen into the large category of people who ambitiously embark on a blog only to abandon it two weeks later. To all six of the people who have read this--in particularly the one or two that have actually noticed I've been gone--I apologize. As you guys know, second semester of law school is at once bewildering and revealing. I've been busy trying to balance the longtime gf (a non-law student) with cramming my brain full of federal subject matter jurisdiction and equal protection. Somewhere in between, I have fallen into the habit of drinking one glass of scotch every weeknight. Just one; around 11:30, while reading the last bit of jargon for the next day's classes, and it puts me right to sleep. It's quite wonderful actully. And of course Friday nights are generally blackouts, so Saturday is always a wash as far as studying goes.

Anyhwho, I won't get into the Virginia Tech tragedy because for one, we could all use a break, and two, it will just piss me off to mention that worthless SOB and make me depressed thinking about all the people he victimized.

I will however briefly mention something much, much less important, and that's Don Imus. I don't think anyone should be burned at the stake just for being stupid and offensive. If that were the case, Bill O'Reilly would be long gone, Rush Limbaugh would be a heap of ashes, Ann Coulter would be crsipier than a rattlesnake on the summer pavement, and O.J. Simpson... well, we all know his fate awaits him on a much toastier plane. In any event, it's a sorry state of affairs when some decrepit old carmudgeon essentially takes a line from "Doggystyle" and it suddenly balloons into the next Cuban Missle Crisis.

I'm not insensitive or naive (at least I like to think so); I know there's more to it than that. Racist and sexist overtones, of course. But hell, Tim Hardaway ranted on a radio show about how much he hates and is disgusted by gays, and that blew over in less than 48 hours. Of course, in a capitalistic society, money talks, bullshit walks... In this case, the money talking is from the radio stations' corporate sponsors pulling out faster than Tom Brady with his next C-list actress, and the bullshit walking is Don Imus.

But whatever your view may be (and please do share it), let's not lose sight of the real issue here: should Don Imus really be calling out anybody else for having nappy hair?